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The thing about anxiety is that it involves worrying about either the past or the future. It does a great job of taking you out of the present moment.
That means it takes you out of connection – both with yourself and with the other person.
Instead of making anxiety a problem that needs to be fixed, we can learn to take it as a sign that we’ve moved out of connection. We can learn to work with it rather than against it, transforming vulnerable places into deeper presence and love.
I’ve put together ten simple tools you can use in your relationships to do just that.
Hi! I’m Ro. I’m a certified therapeutic intimacy coach, working with people who are experiencing a range of challenges in both emotional and sexual intimacy. At the heart of all my work is the firm belief that challenges that show up in sex and intimacy are not problems to be solved – they are clues that show you the parts of yourself that need some attention and care.
Here are some of my most popular posts:
We all have the ability to connect deeply with others, without losing ourselves in the process.
We all have the capacity to know ourselves fully, and feel the confidence of radical self-acceptance.
We all hold the possibility of feeling free and enlivened to fully express ourselves to those we love, and to the world – whether you want to be exploring different ways of having sex in your relationship, being more honest about your feelings with those you love, or – fuck it – pivoting your whole life to shift to a radically honest, non-monogamous set-up where you move in with three partners and a cat called Pig to live out your days in happy polyamorous community in the Welsh countryside.
Whatever you’re secretly dreaming of, one of the biggest problems is that most of us weren’t taught many key relationship skills from a young age. Effective and loving communication typically isn’t taught in school. Neither is emotional awareness. And while caregivers do the best they can, there are all kinds of reasons why they may not have been able to model this kind of relationship either.
So what happens?
You learn some weird lessons about what relationships look like!
Whether it’s that difficult conversations must be swept under the rug so as not to disturb the peace, or that to say no to your partner or ask for something different would cause a big, relationship-threatening drama, or that it’s better to keep your desires to yourself and just keep hoping that the other person eventually figures it out through their advanced telepathy skills (which you’re not totally convinced they possess)… it’s pretty likely that you grew up with some beliefs that are damaging your adult relationships now.
The good news is that these patterns can be changed.
If you’ve recognised that you’re not having the kind of relationships you want, then there’s work to be done. It can be challenging, yes, but it can also be fascinating and enlightening and fun. It’s a process of learning more about yourself, after all.
A lot of this work you can do on your own, but relational patterns are best healed within a non-judgemental relationship, where together we can create a space where more of you can be seen, held, and accepted. And that’s where the magic happens.
My name is Ro (she/they) and I work with curious and courageous folks who want to feel more flow in their relationships.
I’m trained as a therapeutic coach in Psychosexual Somatics Therapy (PST), which is a gentle, trauma-aware method of moving through intimacy challenges – sexual, relational, or emotional. It emphasises slowing right down and finding ways to regulate your nervous system, so that we can address childhood attachment issues in a really embodied, impactful way. We find the emotional root cause underneath the challenge that’s brought you to sessions, and work at this deeper level to create changes that can ripple out in all areas of your life.
I combine this with my experience of Authentic Relating, Non-Violent Communication, and Radical Honesty approaches – for super effective communication that’s direct without feeling aggressive.
It’s a really awesome mix.
I’m also queer, ethically non-monogamous, sex- and kink-positive, and gender fluid. I affirm all of the diverse ways that relationships and sexuality can be consensually explored, and the many ways that gender can be felt and expressed.
Above all, my mission is to support clients in slowing right down and feeling more of themselves. The connection you have with yourself is the most important thing you bring to any relationship, because this is where you can create a secure anchor for yourself from which to begin exploring intimacy with others.