How To Say No (After Saying Yes)
Do you ever end up in a situation where you’ve agreed to something that isn’t feeling good any more? Maybe you said yes because you thought it’s what you wanted, or because you thought it’s […]
communication
The Ultimate Guide to Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Maybe you’ve heard that having boundaries in your relationships is really important. While this is good advice, it doesn’t begin to explain exactly what boundaries are, how you can find yours, or communicate them to […]
How To Change Your Mind
This is a big topic for me. Not because I have an awful lot to say about it, but because the resistance I feel to changing my mind is colossal. For a whole bunch of […]
Moving Feelings
If I were to step into a bath of water that was far too hot, I’d immediately know from the uncomfortable feeling against my skin. After stepping out and deciding to add some cold water […]
Creating Your Own Sexuality
Sex is often such a shame-filled place, whether we realise it or not, that the easiest expression can be the least authentic one. When we feel a need to compete with others, try to imitate media or porn, or simply hide what we really want, our sexuality is not yet our own.
Finding Confidence With Words
It can be so easy to minimise what we want, think, or need. “I just feel that…” or “I think I’d like to…” instead of “I think” or “I want.” Not wanting to admit or commit means our words come out fuzzy, and we have a get-out clause; we were never that bothered anyway, we weren’t completely sure. This lack of confidence shows up in other forms too.
What Is a Polyamorous Relationship?
Polyamory is the sometimes challenging, often liberating, and almost always unpredictable practice of having multiple simultaneous intimate, sexual relationships with different people. But more than this: polyamorous relationships, when done successfully, force us to confront the things we’re scared of in a much more immediate way than monogamous commitments. So what does polyamory really mean, and why would we choose it?
Coping With Loneliness (In & Out of Relationship)
I recently had a conversation with a friend about how ironically lonely it could be to have polyamorous relationships. Or, perhaps more specifically, even to be part of the polyamorous community. Not to mention how hard coping with that loneliness could be. The thing is, it’s so easy to not be alone. Or rather, it’s so easy to take small actions that will temporarily quench the loneliness we feel, but that don’t have the depth or the connection or the commitment or presence to really feel satisfying. How do we learn to be satisfied with ourselves without needing to seek validation through constant contact with others?
How To Be Vulnerable
There are two things I’ve discovered while learning how to be vulnerable recently: it’s really fucking hard, and really fucking worth it. I could never have known how to be vulnerable through most of my […]
How to Make Sex Better: Lessons From the BDSM Community
Whether you’re into floggers and rope or vanilla as it gets, there’s a lot to be learned about communication, boundaries, and consent from those in the BDSM community. Although these may not be the first […]